i am ralph
a black man and a little boy
the son of hip-hop and punk rock
of Dr. Franknfurter and Janet Weiss
stew chicken and fried chicken grease flow my blood
i am a mess
a tangled web of twisted thoughts
a third-generation practitioner
of the dark arts of the trapped mind
my Nana’s body died at childbirth
trading her life for my mother
who sat in a padded room when she was still a baby
she became a mother before she was ready
to men who live only in faded Polaroids
like the one of my father at the bottom of my sockdrawer
three times the Dark Lady of the mind cast her gaze upon me
swirling winds of flustered minds
unable to settle my restless spirit
in these moments i prayed for mercy
from the rhythm of misfires inside my chest
beating like Sly Stone and Art Blakey
rumbling the dark beat of my death march
the first time i saw The Dark Lady was in Harlem
blood and guts staining the streets
as they committed to aborting my existence
like an abandoned fetus
the second time she returned was Hamilton
snot and tears burning the streets
like acid from the xenomorph
yet, on the third time
in the fortress of my own solitude
a house that will never feel like home
the Dark Lady’s grasp returned to my neck
helpless,
i prepared to surrender into the embrace of the abyss
ready to be escorted into the bosom of the infinite night
yet, a rope tethered by my blood
strengthened by their unconditional love
my young black Kings
smart and beautiful men
called me back to them
their love healing my deepest scars
kissing the places where shackles used to be
yanking me from the Dark Lady’s grasp
escaping from the clutches of the matrix of my mind
so, at a half century
i put into a box
the silent rage,
the muffled mutterings,
the practiced manners,
the settling in,
instead of standing out
exhausted from playing the game
stepped and fetched, like
Uncle Tom’s and Stephen Warren’s
it never worked
because I never accepted the challenge of healing
today, i turn my back to the past
towards the future sun of the Muse
she cradles me in her bosom
she rocks me as my tears rain down
as the shackles fall to the ground
Photo by Akira Hojo on Unsplash